Aphorisms

All the world's a stage — but real life is what happens backstage.

Some bowel movements can be life-affirming.

Masturbation is satisfying but uninteresting, like oatmeal.

The road to utopia stops at the Gulag.

There's nothing like doing nothing.

Don’t advertise your insignificance.

In order there is possibility.

Nothing focuses you better than a paycheck.

This sky’s the limit (but the gutter always beckons).

Writing is an affliction.